Decision
by Ajerzaaddict
Summary: To live or to die? Jellal had made up his mind. A oneshot written for the Jellal's Appreciation Day on 29 March 2015 on Tumblr.


_Year x787,_ _Crocus_

It was around half pass midnight when Jellal was back at the tent of his independent guild recently set up on the rock cliff overlooking the capital of Fiore, Crocus. He knew the time without the need to check on his pocket watch because it took around 30 minutes to travel between his guild's hideout and the city and it just happened that when he left the city earlier, he heard the Clock Tower chiming marking the end of a day but also the beginning of another.

Quietly, he opened the tent door a little and glanced inside. When seeing that his guild mates had already fallen into peaceful sleep, a small smile descended on his lips. However, he didn't enter the tent to join them. Having closed the tent door, he turned around and walked straight to the edge of the cliff. He found a piece of rock with flat surface and sat on it, facing the city where the mages from different guilds gathered at to participate in the mysterious Grand Magic Games and recalling what he had discovered unexpectedly during his investigation on the dark magic he felt from the city.

"I thought you have slept." Jellal spoke up and turned his head, waking up from his deep thought when feeling Ultear approaching him from behind.

"I was." Ultear sat down beside Jellal. "But I woke up when you peeped at my and Meredy's sleeping forms from outside the tent earlier."

Jellal frowned hearing the teasing tone in Ultear's voice. "I was just…checking to see if you two were fine. I swear that there wasn't any bad intention behind my behavior. You know I respect you and Meredy like my family."

"Okay, okay. Relax." Ultear chuckled. "You know that I was only joking, right?"

Jellal sighed. "I know. But it wasn't that funny."

"Sorry." Ultear apologized; her expression turned serious. "You aren't resting after investigating for a whole day. Is there anything bothering you? Did you find out something…" She paused and took a deep breath. "Relating to Zeref?"

"No. Not Zeref."

"Then…is it about… _her_ and Fairy Tail?" Ultear tried again. She knew that Jellal still held the belief that the famous scarlet-haired woman known as Titania who had a special place in his heart and her guild mates were still alive somewhere even they had disappeared together with Tenrou Island for nearly three years already.

And she could see the pain on his face when he heard her question.

"No, it's not really about Erza. But I guess you could say it's related to her too." Jellal raised his head, looking into the starry sky he loved so much to find some comfort to his aching heart. "I found out that Simon's sister is still alive and is now in Mermaid Heels."

Ultear's eyes widened. Of course it was related to Erza. Simon died from protecting Erza from Jellal's attack and Jellal now found out that his victim ( _No, my victim._ Ultear corrected herself.) still had a sister living in the world...she now understood why Jellal suddenly looked troubled tonight.

"Who is she?" Ultear asked Jellal calmly, hiding her own frustrations.

"Kagura."

"The strongest mage in that female guild?"

Jellal nodded. "Her full name is Kagura Mikazuchi."

"But…...is there any other thing which proves that she's Simon's sister other than her name?"

Jellal swallowed hard as an innocent face he was once familiar with twisted with hate popped up in his mind.

"Milianan joined Mermaid Heels too."

"That cat girl?"

Jellal nodded again. "I was spying on the inn where the mages lodged at when I saw Miliana and Kagura coming out together. They kept a low profile and tried not to draw any attention to them on their way to their destination. I thought they acted quite suspicious so I followed them. It turned out that they were meeting an ex-dark mage who belonged to one of the dark guilds destroyed by us a few months ago to look for clues of my whereabouts. And they talked about avenging Simon's death on their way back and that was when I found out who Kagura was."

They felt into a brief moment of dead silence before Ultear spoke up again.

"They want to kill you." She stated calmly, as if she was talking about something as ordinary as the weather of the day.

"They should. And they have every right to."

Ultear stood up and crossed her arms, looking down at Jellal.

"Jellal." Her voice sounded grave. "Don't tell me that you are planning to hand your life to them."

Jellal stared back at Ultear and saw her frowning. He then smiled gently at her.

"Thanks for worrying about me, Ultear."

Ultear rolled her eyes, seemingly annoyed by Jellal's response. "Don't you dare to think that you can get away from addressing the topic by playing nice with me. Tell me frankly, Jellal, what are you thinking? Are you seriously prepared to get killed by Kagura?"

Although Ultear seemed to get angry at him, Jellal knew it was her way to show her care for him. He couldn't help but feel warm at his heart to know that there was still someone in this world who knew his darkness thought that he shouldn't give up his life. It felt strange too, considering how many people want him to die and even he himself had once found it difficult to accept the fact that he was still living after having committed so many unforgivable crimes.

"It wasn't a trick. I sincerely thanked you from the bottom of my heart." He told her before averting his gaze from her to take in the vibrant city stretching below the cliff, still shining brightly at night and refusing to rest.

"Honestly, if Kagura and Miliana find me out and demand for my life, I'm not sure if I have the strength to refuse them." He could feel that Ultear was sending him daggers with her eyes. "But…"

It also didn't feel right for him to just throw his life away at this moment, even it was for the sake of avenging Simon's death.

In his 22 years of life so far, he had hurt many people with his evil plan to revive Zeref, opening wounds in their hearts which might stop bleeding over time but would never fully healed. He knew very well that his death was the kind of comfort many of these people looked for to ease their pain caused by the misery he made them experience. Yet, he wanted to do more than just die to make up for these people. He wanted to work for a world where threats of Zeref and his followers would be no longer existed so that these people could live the real peaceful life they deserved.

But he wasn't trying to ask for forgiveness from the people he had hurt by making up for them because he didn't deserve any. He wasn't trying to be the savior either. And he wasn't that arrogant to think that he couldn't die before defeating Zeref and his followers. All he wanted was to fully utilize every moment in his life and to make every effort he could to atone for his sins before the Death finally come to him.

What was more, if he died without at least trying to make use of his life to do something good for the world, for his victims, it would totally waste the effort of those people who had done so many things to keep him alive till this day. People like Wendy, Meredy, Ultear and-

Erza.

He owed his life to them too.

So he had already decided. He wasn't going to try to escape death if his victims caught him and demanded to kill him. Yet, he would not proactively search for chances of getting killed.

"I promise you that I will not intentionally show up in front of them just to ask them to kill me. I want to…keep on walking the path of redemption with Crime Sorciere, until the day fate decides that it's time for me to pay the cost for my past deeds with my life."

Ultear let out a relived sigh, feeling glad that at least Jellal hadn't given up Crime Sorciere and chose to get killed by Simon's sister due to his sense of guilt. People might call him coward, selfish, hypocrite or whatever insulting and hateful names if they knew about his decision on choosing live over death. However, she understood that for Jellal, choosing to live wasn't any easier than choosing death because living in a world without the light of his life while struggling to face his own guilt and past crimes was also a kind of cruel torture for him. And she knew that he wouldn't hesitate in the slightest to hand out his life to redeem his victims when the time came for them to confront each other.

"Jellal, I trust what you promised me. Now, don't think about Kagura or Miliana anymore but go to sleep. Tomorrow, we will swap our work so that you won't run into them too easily."

"Thanks again, Ultear."

She just waved at him.

"Don't mention it. We are guild mates. And we only have three members in our guild. I don't want to lose any of us."

Jellal smiled warmly at Ultear.

"I don't want to either."


End file.
